How My Wife’s Alzheimer’s Diagnosis Turned Me Into an Advocate for Awareness
By Robert Reid
When my wife Kim was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2017, it came as a surprise. We thought Alzheimer’s only happened to older people in their 80s—not a young mother in her 40s.
But looking back, the signs were there.
Around 2015, she began struggling to track details at work. She got into some car accidents. There were small changes at home I initially missed—like asking me to help her with things like baking, which she had always loved to do by herself.
There was also a deeper family history we didn’t fully realize. Her grandparents likely had cognitive issues, but being in Kentucky with limited access to healthcare, they were labeled “crazy” in their time and never formally diagnosed. Both of her parents were also eventually diagnosed with different forms of dementia after Kim got her diagnosis.
From the beginning, Kim did the right thing by going to the doctor—not once—but several times. Every time, Kim came home with the same diagnosis: peri-menopause. For a while, we trusted that explanation. We trusted the system.
But when the issues persisted, I decided to go with Kim to her fifth doctor’s appointment. And after the same doctor recited the same diagnosis, I asked for more tests related to Kim’s memory. Somehow, together we managed to break through and from there we eventually got the Alzheimer’s diagnosis that confirmed the pattern of changes in memory that Kim was experiencing.
Had we known more about Alzheimer’s, we could have approached it differently. If we had heard more about it, we might have fought earlier to get a diagnosis. Had we found out earlier, there might have been some things that we could have done earlier like changes in diet, more exercise, and cognitive activities.
That is why Kim and I decided to be advocates and raise awareness. They say Black people are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s, but I believe the numbers are much higher because of the stigma. Our community often doesn’t receive the same attention as the majority in healthcare, clinical trials, and education. Kim and I felt we had to speak up.
First, we want people to keep asking questions. You have to advocate for yourself with doctors and healthcare providers.
Also, you need to know your family history. Our kids recognize the likelihood of developing Alzheimer’s because of our family history and that has pushed them to pay attention and to live more active lifestyles. It has pushed us forward as a family from one generation to the next.
Finally, a message I want to relay specifically to Black men is this: don’t be afraid to use the health insurance you’ve worked hard to earn. We were raised to be strong and handle everything on our own, but you don’t have to. Go to the doctor. Pay attention. Ask questions. Advocate.
Being a care partner has taught me empathy most of all. As a deacon, I’ve learned to meet people where they are and to put myself in their shoes, and that’s shaped how I show up not just for my wife, but for others too.
Ultimately, our faith has grounded our family through it all. That said, God has the power to do anything, but we have to do our part. We have to recognize there’s nothing wrong with us getting tested or asking questions when something isn’t right. The more you know and the sooner you know, the more you can do to live a longer and a better quality of life.
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Robert Reid is a member of the AlzInColor Community Advisory Board, a support group facilitator, and a Deacon at Restoration Christian Fellowship Church in Georgia. After a 40-year career in transportation, Robert retired and became a full-time care partner to his wife, who is living with Alzheimer’s.
